Sven
Male Friendships
“To say that men have no intimate friends seems on the surface too harsh, and it raises quick objections from most men. But the data indicate that it is not far from the truth” (pg 60)
More from the McGill Report on Male Intimacy…
Major Findings:
1 man in 10 has a friend with whom he discusses work, money and marriage.
1 in more than 20 has a friend where he discloses his feelings about himself or his sexual feelings.
Quotes to ponder and for action:
“The most common male friendship is for a man to have many ‘friends,’ each of whom knows something of the man’s public self and therefore a little about him, but not one of whom knows more than a small piece of the whole.” (pg 157)
“Men, who neither bare themselves nor bear one another, are buddies in name only.” (pg 158)
“The man who persists in pushing for intimacy among his friends… is likely to be ostracized. Man to man, the message seems to be ‘If we can’t joke about it, we can’t talk about it.’” (pg 162)
“For men, friends are for competing, for joking, for talking about common interests, but friends are not for help or solace in times of personal crisis.” (pg 166)
“There is a sense among men that to go to others in times of crisis is a sign of weakness.” (pg 167)
“The isolation of men intensifies their suffering.” (pg 173)
“The man who would develop intimacy with another man must first overcome societal prescriptions about what it is to be a man and a buddy. He must then overcome his own prohibitions against self-disclosure. Finally he must find a receptive and responsive friend.” (pg 177)
“There, it is believed that males don’t need support, and if they do, they aren’t completely male.” (pg 177)
“One type of male bond that approaches intimacy and is found with some frequency is the mentor relationship.” (pg 181)
“There is a lot of ‘love talk’ and references to ‘brotherhood.’ We’re forever saying ‘I love you, brother.’ When you really look at it, though, there is very little loving, brotherly behavior. We don’t reveal enough of the vulnerable parts of ourselves to be brothers in any sense of the word. Instead of using their Christian bond to further their fellowship… (they) seem bent on using their fellowship to prove how Christian they are. The church should be a [place where men can get close, but in our case it’s become just another place for men to compete.”(pg 179”
